Day 137: The struggle, the passion, the prayer

May 17, 2011 in Day to day, Growth, Mustard Seed Year with 23 Comments

Today, I put something I’ve considered a Christian cliche to the test and found it wanting.

Oh, I’m sure I’ll get Jesus Juked for it and somehow have the blame thrown on me for what happened but I’ll share it here anyway.

I woke up this morning and had quiet time…and had a real lack of peace in my spirit.

My daily Bible reading…and total lack of peace.

I didn’t really know why the day was starting off on such an unsettling note.  I dropped Julie off at school & came home to pray some more.  Nada.

So as I was driving to pick something up for Amy something that I’d heard so many times from Christians when I mentioned struggling popped into my head:

Start praying for other people.  Take the focus off yourself.

So, I did it.  I sent some messages privately to friends.  I asked on twitter if I could pray for anyone.  And I prayed. And prayed. And prayed.

And the dark cloud just didn’t lift.

I couldn’t place it.

And then it hit me…I’m discontent at being mostly idle.

I’m tired of it.

I don’t want to be idle.

Yes, I’m doing little things.  (And I know, some people say that anything you do for God is not a little thing.  But I’m sorry…little things are little things.   It’s still serving God’s purpose but let’s not pretend something’s big when it’s not.)

And I’m tired of feeling like God’s calling me to do so much more.  Every time I say it, I get rebuked by many of my “good Christian friends.”

“If you’re feeling discontent with where God has you,” they will tell me, “it’s your fault.  It’s your sin and you have to work through it.”

I just have a hard time believing that a burning within you to do more for God is inherently sin.  I have a hard time thinking that God’s made you for more than where you are is inherently sin.  If it stops you from doing what God’s calling you to do at the moment, yes, it is.  However, wanting to do more?  Shouldn’t we all want to do more for God?

Anyway…it made me realize that I need to focus my passion.

I need to get out of this muck and I can’t do it the way it is now.   I need to set a goal.  I need to set a target.  I need direction.  And God’s being really silent right now.

Then I read a post by Jeff Goins where he interviewed author Mary DeMuth.  In that blog, he mentions another piece by Mary on Michael Hyatt’s blog where she writes about finding your passion.

And that’s when it hit me…I have a lot of things I call a “passion.”  I have a lot of things that if you walked up and said “I’ll give you enough to pay all your bills and provide for your family if you do this” I would do it.

In the piece, Mary asked her friends “What is my one thing?”

She said she was too close to her passions to identify her one thing.

So I’m going to ask your help as I continue to pray and seek.

Those of you who’ve been around for a while…especially those of you who’ve been lurking and don’t usually comment…

What do you think is my “one thing”?

About Jason Wert:

All Posts by  |  Share By Email
  • Lizwalter

    Neat quiz.  Fun to take. I kind of knew my answers, the way I am sure you are not surprised by yours.  Well, I think your faith is pretty obvious.  And your drive to communicate.  That’s an echo of what others have said, but I see it, too. 

    It seems to me (and I speak as an outsider here) that the modern Christian church is filled with these young, dynamic people person pastors.  But all ministry isn’t like that or doesn’t have to be.  My spiritual tradition and my previous career really let me see how there is a place for everyone. Radio guys are not TV guys.  Writers are not necessarily public speakers. There’s a lot of niches to be filled.  I think you know your strengths and gifts.  My opinion, from a total stranger, is that you have to let those gifts be okay with you. 

    I know how hard it is to be out of work and to be searching for something and to start thinking about past careers, etc, and wondering where to go – back, forward, around?  Did I make a big mistake 5 years ago?  Do I need to go back to X, even though the thought of that makes me shake my head no?

    There is a place for you.  But you have to be okay with your gifts first.  Wow, I hope that makes sense.  I can so easily compare myself to others and I have had so little confidence in my abilities. So I am really coming from a place of understanding.  My job right now is just perfect for me, I adore it.  I truly love being here.  It fits my hours, my life as a mom, my need to bring money in.  AND it led me to my next career, to something God is really calling me to.  I never would have guessed this about this job – my “I need money, I need mom hours, I’m too educated to do this” job.  :-)   He did have a plan for me, and it’s all on His time, not mine. 

    I am confidant that He has a plan for you, too.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      Thanks Liz. :)  I know He’s got a plan…it’s just hard sitting on the gifts until it’s time to go. 

  • http://tomraines.wordpress.com Tom

    This mustard seed year is your one thing. Seeking only Him and His purpose you found yours. Look what you went through and when only focusing on praising Him and seeking Him did you find you and you were able to do more than you dreamed. Despite what youself and others told you.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      That’s a great perspective, Tom.  Thanks man. 

  • Davidwaynelackey

     I know you aren’t going to like this Jason, but I still think you would be great at writing books for teens. You asked. That and radio. You still have the passion for it and I have heard you speak off the cuff. You are good at it. Perhaps a radio show for teens? You would make a good male Ann Landers. Seriously you should go back to your first love, broadcasting. 

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      I know you think I’d be good doing books for teens but I just don’t feel it. But if that’s what God wants, He’ll make it happen.

  • http://www.mohan37.com/ mohan37
    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      Thanks Mo. 

  • Anonymous

    Have you ever done a Spiritual gifts test and a personality test? Those types of tests can help you figure out what Spiritual gift God has given you and then from there you can begin to try to narrow things down.  This is a free one I have used before http://www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

       OK…took the test…and I’m just as confused.

      I had 17s in Faith, Encouragement and Discernment.
      I had 15s in Music, Pastoring, Knowledge and Writing.

      Everything else was way behind that.

      Ugh.

      • Anonymous

         This means that your top spiritual gift is Faith/encouragement/discernment – you believe that what God says is true and will help others, you are an exhorter (an encourager) and you can discern truth from lies. Exhortation is something I see you do more than anyone on this blogging community that I know. You are constantly lifting others up around you. I believe that would probably be the #1 out of these. Music, Pastoring, Knowledge and Writing are secondary to these. Does this make sense?

  • http://theperkinsblog.net MichaelDPerkins

     That’s hard to nail down. But I think truth and honesty come to mind. You have been very open with struggles and I believe that is helping a lot of people out.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      Thanks man. 

  • http://jennyrain.com JennyRain

    “If you’re feeling discontent with where God has you,” they will tell me, “it’s your fault.  It’s your sin and you have to work through it.”

    sorry Jason – but that advice is a bunch of bunk. It’s like saying a child with a disability has it because there is sin in the child or the parent’s life.

    That being said, have you read the Perkins blog today? Y’all are chatting about the same thing. What is even weirder is that Katie and Tony A and I talked about this lastnight… that the hardest thing to do sometimes – especially when anxiety abounds is to just BE. yet God makes us human BEings not DOings and reminds us that our value comes from who we are, not what we do.  YET, serving is a part of living our identity in christ – so go figure.

    Your story is compelling. Just you, raw and authentic, in the moment, as it unfolds. Not wrapped up in a pretty bow, just as it is. God working through your story – it is compelling, engaging, inviting. YOU stopping into the moments as God leads… that is compelling.

    When you stop trying to make it happen and just enter into the gifts of the moment with God – that is when I see the most power in your story.
     

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      Thanks Jenny. :)  

  • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

    I think your one thing may be mercy. I think your experiences have caused you to have a more-than-average amount of compassion and sensitivity to the pain of others. I think that’s why life sometimes hurts, why it’s hard to move forward. This is also what I believe drives you to communicate. You express your feelings and desires to relate to others, so that this gift can shine. I could be wrong, but that’s my sense.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      Thanks Jeff.  I appreciate that. 

      • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

        Let me know what God says.

  • http://www.thechurchofnopeople.com Matt @ The Church of No People

     Jason, as far as I can tell, you’ve got a passion for the truth.  You’ve got a passion to communicate.  There’s nothing wrong with feeling pulled to do something more.  We tell ourselves it is because we give up hope that we can amount to anything more.  The worst thing for a man is to not feel that he has a purpose.  So plant seeds, make a goal.  It’s not so much that your life hinges on achieving the goal.  It’s the process of being in movement toward something.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      Thanks Matt. 

  • http://billgrandi.com bill (cycleguy)

    This is a hard one for me Jason.  I have been around awhile but, like you said, have seen a lot of different (little) things being discussed.  I don’t totally agree nor do I totally disagree with Ms. DeMuth about asking others, but ultimately I think it comes down to you.  I know that sounds like a cop out but it really isn’t.  Least I hope it isn’t seen as that. I can promise you continued prayers though.  Sorry I am not much help here.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

      I know ultimately it comes down to me but I can also admit I can be a little too close to it.  So I’m looking for some outside opinions to consider as well.