Today, I put something I’ve considered a Christian cliche to the test and found it wanting.
Oh, I’m sure I’ll get Jesus Juked for it and somehow have the blame thrown on me for what happened but I’ll share it here anyway.
I woke up this morning and had quiet time…and had a real lack of peace in my spirit.
My daily Bible reading…and total lack of peace.
I didn’t really know why the day was starting off on such an unsettling note. I dropped Julie off at school & came home to pray some more. Nada.
So as I was driving to pick something up for Amy something that I’d heard so many times from Christians when I mentioned struggling popped into my head:
Start praying for other people. Take the focus off yourself.
So, I did it. I sent some messages privately to friends. I asked on twitter if I could pray for anyone. And I prayed. And prayed. And prayed.
And the dark cloud just didn’t lift.
I couldn’t place it.
And then it hit me…I’m discontent at being mostly idle.
I’m tired of it.
I don’t want to be idle.
Yes, I’m doing little things. (And I know, some people say that anything you do for God is not a little thing. But I’m sorry…little things are little things. It’s still serving God’s purpose but let’s not pretend something’s big when it’s not.)
And I’m tired of feeling like God’s calling me to do so much more. Every time I say it, I get rebuked by many of my “good Christian friends.”
“If you’re feeling discontent with where God has you,” they will tell me, “it’s your fault. It’s your sin and you have to work through it.”
I just have a hard time believing that a burning within you to do more for God is inherently sin. I have a hard time thinking that God’s made you for more than where you are is inherently sin. If it stops you from doing what God’s calling you to do at the moment, yes, it is. However, wanting to do more? Shouldn’t we all want to do more for God?
Anyway…it made me realize that I need to focus my passion.
I need to get out of this muck and I can’t do it the way it is now. I need to set a goal. I need to set a target. I need direction. And God’s being really silent right now.
And that’s when it hit me…I have a lot of things I call a “passion.” I have a lot of things that if you walked up and said “I’ll give you enough to pay all your bills and provide for your family if you do this” I would do it.
In the piece, Mary asked her friends “What is my one thing?”
She said she was too close to her passions to identify her one thing.
So I’m going to ask your help as I continue to pray and seek.
Those of you who’ve been around for a while…especially those of you who’ve been lurking and don’t usually comment…
What do you think is my “one thing”?