Bullies In The Church

October 12, 2012 in Bible, Church, Day to day with 14 Comments

No, this isn’t going to be a liberal-leaning, Driscoll-bashing, anyone-who-calls-out-sin-is-a-bully post.

This is about the bullying that happens every Sunday and for which your liberal or conservative theological bent is irrelevant.

I began to think about it last night after seeing a very disturbing story about a young woman named Amanda Todd.

Amanda killed herself Wednesday night.  She was 15.

She was driven to it by bullying.

The most chilling part of this story is that she posted a YouTube video just a month ago outlining the hell that she faced every single day.

My story: Struggling, bullying, suicide, self harm

She had nobody.

She needed someone.

No one came.

Instead, she continued to be harassed.  The picture to the right is an example of the kind of thing that she would see online.

How did it start?  She had someone on video chat goad her into flashing him one night.  He snapped a screen shot of it.  He then threatened to send it to her family and friends if she didn’t do more.

And he sent them to her family and friends.  She found out when the police came to her during her Christmas break from school.

A year after that the same guy put up a Facebook profile with her topless picture as his profile picture.  Now the world saw it.

Drugs and alcohol entered the picture as she tried to dull the pain.

Then a male friend of hers invited her over one day when his girlfriend was out of town.  She went desperate to connect with someone…he took advantage of her sexually…and when the girlfriend got back she found Amanda with a group of 15 friends and beat her.

She went home that night and drank bleach in an attempt to end her life.  She was found, taken to the hospital and survived.

The response of her tormentors was to post pictures of bleach and Clorox and ditches on her social media pages saying that they hoped she would die.

Wednesday night, they got their wish.

And as far as I’m concerned, Amanda’s blood is on their hands just as if they walked up and shot her with a gun.

But here’s the thing…every single Sunday, in likely every single church in America…we have the same kind of thing happening around us.

The snide comments about how someone’s too messed up for anyone to help them.

The derisive looks at the man or woman who just went through a divorce and you “heard things” about “what they did” and make sure to share it with others because you think they deserve scorn for their actions.

You take steps to keep someone out of a ministry outreach at your church because you don’t want to be around them.  You don’t tell them, of course, you tell others so they can look down on that person as well.

You gather a group of people to go out for dinner after church on a Sunday and talk loudly about it in front of a former friend that is no longer part of your “inner circle”.

You know a woman went through an abortion and you think they’re horrible for it so you make sure when around them to talk loudly about how women who kill their babies will never go to heaven.  (Doesn’t matter that you’re not right about that if they’ve accepted Christ…)

The guy who believes that the Bible states marriage is a man and woman only so you make sure to post on their facebook page how they’re a bigot who hates gays and they need to be silenced…and then you start ripping any sin in their life and post it for the world to see.

Gossip.  ”Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.”- Psalm 34:13 (ESV)

Lies.  ”Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.” – Proverbs 12:22 (ESV)

WE HAVE TO STOP MAKING GOD’S HOUSE

A DEN FOR BULLIES TO THRIVE.

The church is not your table in the lunch room in Junior High school where you can pick and choose who comes and who you can deride until they turn away.  It’s not a place where someone who comes in looking for “somebody” walks out alone every single week wondering why not even God cares about them because in His house no one shows them any concern.

We need to start living our faith.

Period.

And that means it’s time to make sure we rebuke the church bullies…and examine ourselves to see if we’re one of them.

Because I promise you.

In your church this Sunday is a man or woman who is in the same place that Amanda found unbearable.

It’s time to make them realize there is always someone there.

 

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  • Taylovesyou143

    she brought it on herself. i doubt you guys know the whole story

    • Martin

      go fuck ur self

  • Positively Alene

    AMEN!! I saw that video a few days ago and cried. It is such a sad world we are living in. We are each consumed with ourselves, while others are crying out loudly for love around us. Great post!!

  • http://www.servingjoyfully.com/ Crystal

    I’m so glad that I found your blog, especially this post: http://www.mustardseedyear.com/2011/09/07/day-250-disposable-people/  I have struggled with and tried to fight depression.   You have put to words so many things that I have thought as well.

    The same thing with this post.  We NEED someone to put this out there!  We need to be challenged to really get out there and love and support people for real, not just a surface “Hey, how are you” without ever waiting for a reply.  

  • Gael

    Why this Christian bashing? The church reaches out and gives to those who cannot possibly repay, it feeds the hungry, builds and rebuilds, helps those who need it. Women from our church are going on a mission trip, many of them are over 50, they will work day and night delivering food and clothings, helping, painting, doing whatever the ministries need from planting gardens to cutting hair of the homeless. The church has no monopoly on ignorance or unkindness. Amanda’s story is a tragedy. Do you know how many reached out to her? While we all need encouragement toward kindness and love, defending the Amanda’s of the world does not necessitate your being unnecessarily critical of those who serve others in many capacities.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com/ Jason Wert

      I’ve been in churches where I’ve found no one to help when I was at my lowest point.  One of the other commenters in this thread I know has faced the same thing.  Nowhere in my post did I say that the church has a monopoly on ignorance or unkindness…I said that the church needs to be a place where it does not exist.  If your church has never let anyone leave feeling unloved, unwanted or dismissed, then you’re in a perfect church and we all need to know what church it is so that we can examine how they live their walk of faith.  However, there are MANY churches that have become little more than country clubs where the “in” folks come on Sunday to socialize and those who don’t “fit” because they’ve “sinned” at some point are made to feel worthless and unwelcome.  We cannot accept that in any church because all churches are part of the body of Christ and there is no person worthless to Christ.

  • InciteFaith

    Everyone needs to absorb this post, not just ‘Christians’ in the Church, everyone that is alive and with breath in their lungs.

    This brought tears to my eyes.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com/ Jason Wert

      I cried a few times yesterday over this.  My heart just breaks over and over for her and kids like her.

  • Pacnwdad

    Thank you Jason so much for posting this.  As someone who’s been in that place so many times in church I know this pain.  As someone who experienced this stuff in school, I know the pain.  As a Father of daughters this crushes me.  We all have sin in our lives, we all make mistakes and that should be what unites us, instead we mock, lash out and hurt others and in some cases is ends others lives.  As someone who once attempted suicide and thought it was the only way to end the pain, I am glad I didn’t go through with it.  I can now say I’m glad I lived through the hells I did and that is why we need to use our voices and stop this BS.  Thanks again Jason as hard as it is to watch and no she’s no longer around, I know others are in the same place and hopefully people like you and I will be the ones they seek out for help.  Great job.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com/ Jason Wert

      Thanks, man. 

  • http://betty-wiseheartedwomen.blogspot.com/ Betty Draper

    Jason, found out about your blog through Bill’s  blog.  I was speechless after reading your post. I was mad at those who bullied that young girl, I was sad someone did not reach out to her. Most of all I was convicted…convicted that I am not involved as much as I should be.  Am going to post this on my fb brother and have already ask God to show me just what I can do.  Thank you for courage to post this, thank you for the courage to make us christians aware of hurting ones. 

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com/ Jason Wert

      Thank you Betty. 

  • Blainederck

    Jason, you nailed it.  The church needs to come clean with itself and confess its wrongs by repenting and seeking the grace God supplies.  It is only when the organized church understand that it is really supposed to be a place of safety and understanding that is will be come The Church, the living breathing body of Christ in the world.  My prayer is that we, who name the name of Jesus, will realize again that we only have what we have because at one point we confessed our sins and fell on his grace, then we will understand that we can judge no one as Paul said.  God forgive us for not being the someone Amanda Todd so desperately needed.

    • http://www.mustardseedyear.com/ Jason Wert

      Thanks, Blaine.  Means a lot to me you would read this and comment.